Memories gone so young

It's 2am in the morning and i can't even sleep.
Too much going on this head of mine.
It's a Sunday already! & i've definitely wasted the Saturday. I woke up really late since i was watching some ultra funny movie. " The hottie & the nottie"
It gave me such a good laugh. Superficial, surreal yet, very humorous.
I was laughing at 3am, just by myself okay!
I think i deserve a good laugh after all this week of stress.
& it's a matter of my life stress, not just the promos, which doesn't concern me much anymore.

I've made up my mind.
I know i'm taking a risk, but coming here was a risk in the first place.

The one person that i may disappoint the most is my dad.
I know he wants me to do well in life and he thinks this 2 years education will determine just that. But right now I'm already having second thoughts about staying. I see no point in me getting promoted then struggle for another year, especially with this subject combi that's really tugging me right from the start. I knew physics would bring me down eventually, and i'm so right. I have no interest in being another Isaac Newton, though i do think he's one smart guy i swear. Besides that, i think its starting to get to me that maybe I'm not doing this for myself at all. And at the end of the day, i may just get my A level cert, not knowing if this was really the best route. I love my dad, no doubt and i guess maybe too much 'til i'm trusting him too much to take up this route in the first place. & i still don't plan to disappoint him. He's worried, i can tell and i know he wants me and my siblings to take the safer route that will guarantee us a good life. ( damn, this is getting mushy)

I need consistency and interest to get me going. I 've lost both, so can i still continue?
Maybe i still have the interest in Math like how i used to, but for physics and maybe econs, i just don't. I'm fickle minded and i'm not hundred percent sure if the poly way would stir up my interest either but I really don't see myself continuing what i'm doing now. One of the many reasons that may have me cocking up my decision would be my friends here and my dad.
& maybe i'm making this choice on my own and out of everyone else that ever existed in my life, maybe only about 30% of them supports me in it. I'm clueless really. But i can't seem to study and mug like how i used to.

The course that i plan to take up doesn't even guarantee that it's the course i aim to work hard for. This is it about life that i'm definitely ambivalent about. It's all so foggy, like there's no straight green light that THIS is what you should be doing, you know ?
& how i wish there is.

Everyone's trying to play a part in this decision making. Ironically, it's my life. As much as i should be listening to just myself, i can't help but feel either guilty for being selfish or guilty for disappointing most of them who tried. I know if my plan backfires, they'll be there to claim "I TOLD YOU SO!" Cause the thing is,i'm not sure myself if this upcoming decision will have me geared up for life. No one knows what the future brings, really. So all i can do now is just hope what i'm about to do may just ease down this whole burden of fickle minded self. I'm just trying to make the best of life. I may regret this, i never know. But at least i tried to change things.
I know that with me staying around, it'll just worsen my whole morale.

I'm sorry papa if i've disappointed you but maybe this time, you gotta trust me in this. I know you had the best intentions and i won't take advantge of it. I just think maybe this is what i'm supposed to be doing, making my own choices in life. This could be a turning point, i don't know.
As for now, i might as well make use of the money spent on this promos right ?
& i gotta finish what i started so i guess pw is still one of the important points in my checklist. don't worry IJ031, i won't abandon you (:

& dad, once again i love you! But maybe this time, give me a chance to redeem myself.
If i don't make it in that course, then maybe you can start drilling me again, but as for now give me space to try? I'm willing to take the risk.
It'd mean the world to me if you're able to support me in this.
The last thing i need now is for my own dad to not give my decision his blessings.
I hope you'll be there for me, especially when i need you the most.
I promise to try my ultimate best to not let you down again.
I give you my word, i'll try .
(:

mann, now that that's out of my system, i'm feeling a tad bit better.

Ohhhh, i think this is very cute, from the cutest friend i ever met! CHERYL SIM
cheryl : Nurullll, tmr i fast with you okay?
Nurul: haha sure can.
cheryl : ( tone down her voice ) But can drink water not.

HAHAHAHA.
You should have heard the change in her enthusiasm, was so excited about fasting but in the end thought about whether she can go about the day without getting a sip or not.
Awwww, i'll miss herrrr, plus those other girls too (: My spastic nunnn.


Mannnn, im so beat.
I dont feel like uploading the last saturday outing though. I don't like the process of uploading them. It may take ages! & i have madr tomorrow tooooooooo

( Rini's masterpiece)

I never thought it'd be this way. I wasn't prepared for what's to come.
A life full of memories gone so young.